Face in the Mirror......

Hey peeps,

Howz the week going so far? I'm sure you are all giving it your best shot and been productive as well. This morning I feel like talking or ministering to just one person and I pray it is you......take your time to read and digest this words as I feel so strongly about it.

 We all get to look at the mirror at least three times in a day every day of our lives, even when we are ill. Each time we look in the mirror we see the same facial features differently, we have different opinions about what we see and what we want to see. I want you to ask yourself, what do you see when you stand in front of the mirror every morning after getting ready for school, work or business? Better still you can just look for a mirror right now and stand in front of it, look real hard into the mirror without breaking your concentration, now what do you see? For me I can see a beautifully and well made up face, a beautiful body (the result of a healthy diet and exercise) beautiful clothes and accessories to match, I’m sure you can feel me now? Cos I know you can see the same things that I see.

           That is where we have a problem, we only look at the exterior and we tend to pass judgments based on the outward appearance of things. Have you forgotten that all that glitters is truly not gold? Have you ever tried to look at someone or something beyond the exterior (outward appearance), by looking inward to truly see through the exterior and really appreciate who that person really is?

I need you to look at the mirror again and this time look beyond the well made up face and try if you can to look into yourself not at yourself, I want you to truthfully see who you are and who/what you have become over the years. What do you see? I’m sure a lot of us are confused cos truly we cant see anything apart from what is outside, we seem to have lost our true identity(Identity Crisis, I also wrote an article on it), we don’t know who we are any longer, we now live our lives based on the scripts that has been written out by the society we live in, we do, talk, eat and act the way society expects us to, torturing ourselves greatly just so we can be accepted by other people, denying the pain and struggles of the abuse we have lived through or currently living with.

          You find yourself in a position where you continually lie to yourself, you are broken, battered and rotten on the inside but no one can share in your pain or minister to you because you have not allowed anyone to see beyond the surface of your exterior, you have covered it up perfectly with good speech, attitude, clothes and make up, you even have such a great figure (not as a result of dieting but as a result of the inner battles you fight within yourself everyday). Everyone seems to think that you’ve got it all together and they all want to be like you, but no one knows how often you cry yourself to sleep cos deep within you, you know you are not who people think you are, you don’t even know who you are any longer, you have stopped living life, you simply just exist and flow with the trend.

         If you see what I have described in the mirror before you, I need you to answer this question: for how long will you keep acting like you’ve got it all together? Knowing for a fact that you will lose it if you don’t stop now, cos very soon all the cloths and make up in the world may not be able to glue you together any longer, you have reached a breaking point where you truly need to cry out, bare yourself so people can see all the scars that is yet to heal but you have covered them up so nicely, but they are still very fresh in your memory, you go to bed every night with them and you wake up with them, re-living every single moment you got each of those scars, you even remember what day of the week it was, what hour, minute and second it all happened, the scars of how you were abused as a child by a loved one, scars from your parents early divorce, scars from losing a loved one so early in life, scars from growing up feeling rejected and unwanted due to the terrible blows life dealt you, scars from failed relationships and insecurities, and all the while you had no idea that a small still voice has been calling to you to let go of your fears, burdens and worries, and allow Him heal and mend you completely.

          No wonder you are so good at your job, you have attained such great height at such a short period in your career cos you vowed that you’ll do what ever it takes never to be vulnerable again because you have a point to prove to the world, and to cover up all the scars that no one will see them and make fun of you, you decided to take care of you at all cost, that’s why you always adorn your exterior to give the impression that all is rosy and dandy but you forgot something very important, which is the fact that you are alive today and have not lost your mind despite the enormous weight you bear, this is a sure sign that the owner of the small still voice has been with you through it all, yes He was there when all the negative things happened, He heard your cry of anguish and pain, He called out to you then and has been very close since then trying to get your attention but you were too preoccupied wallowing in self pity to realize that its not you that have held you together all these years, it’s a greater force beyond your wildest imagination.

            The truth about the owner of the still small voice is that no matter how long we remain deaf to His call, he never gives up on us cos He is not a man. When you finally heed the call, you will come to know that you have a shoulder to cry on and a place to lay down the entire burden you’ve been carrying about and just rest, cos come to think of it no one expects you to be a super hero when you already have one in your life. Accept His help and let go, stop struggling to build an IMAGE for yourself, allow Him to mould you and make you what He wants you to be as He knows better than you do what is best for you.

           Let go and trust Him, He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother, when men and society rejects you; He picks you up and cleans the dust from you. It’s time to look in the mirror again but this time you have to see what He sees when He looks at you, look hard and see why He calls you the apple of His eyes, it is because of you that He never sleeps nor slumbers and He’s got your back always; just let go and trust Him.

How Can You Tell?

Hey Peeps,

Hwz it going? It's been quite a while.......yeah I know.....phew.....been too busy with my paid job as my workload recently increased.......so I'm just catching my breath......what has been happening with you guys?

My topic for today is actually a weird one but very important, as we truly and really need to know.....It's also not an easy topic to discuss as there are lots of opinions regarding it; hence the need foor you to draw your own conclusions from my thoughts, or you may have another angle to it....

Sometimes the thought still comes to me if I really and truly know the man I married, hold on……hehehehe ……..wait for it..……. I have often times heard people say they made the wrong choice and they want out. How do you really know if you made the right choice when you are so in love with the person while dating? After I read the story on the link below, it got me thinking in so many directions.

http://ladunliadi.blogspot.com/2013/06/ex-police-officer-attacks-wife-with.html#more

How and what causes a very good and healthy relationship to go bad? Is it a sudden 360 degrees change or has there been a gradual process leading to the change? How do you know the angel you are married to today won’t eventually become a monster in years to come? What causes these changes in people?

No answer came to mind as I pondered on these questions, I have also encountered a few people that say it is difficult making the right choice of a partner as you can never know the human mind completely; it’s now a game of chance and allowing the grace of God to guide you. 

I am of the opinion that your relationship can either make or mar you, hence the question arises; what do we feed into our relationships? Are we sowing the right thoughts, ideas and influences? What are the minor things that we take for granted that eventually turns out to be major for the other party we are involved with?

I have always had the notion that marriage is not for the weak and fickle minded people. You must have a thick skin to stay married……remember it’s about two very different individuals that have come together in the name of love, they live together, see and tolerate each person’s uniqueness and weakness, learn each person’s behavioral tendencies and make a conscious effort to live happily with it at all cost, having the ability to make something out of nothing by building a great life from nothing with a perfect stranger. If you have this understanding then and only then should you think of getting married……….if not you will wake up one day with the idea of killing the stranger on your bed. 

Marriage takes commitment, trust, listening ability (because you need to truly listen for the other party to rant and rave and have that satisfaction of been heard). It takes the same energy to fall in and out of love…….when you do fall in love, how do you stay in love? Trust me what works for couple A may not work for couple B; my advice is find your own formula and stick to it at all cost. 

However I would appreciate feedback or more insight into this matter......feel free to leave your comments.

Thanks and enjoy your day.

Must Know Before "I Do"

Hey peeps,

Its a lazy Friday.......sequel to yesterday's post, i just bumped into this article and felt like sharing.....it will really help.

http://www.romancemeetslife.com/2012/10/7-things-to-work-on-before-you-say-yes.html

Enjoy your weekend guys.

What makes a Marriage?

Hey peeps,

Howz it going? It’s been a while…….and I have missed this space so much. I was out of town for two whole weeks by myself …..yeah… I took a long and well deserved break from everything…….it was a tough decision leaving hubby in charge of our 14month old son…hehehehe…..but they did alright and missed me like crazy.

During my vacation, I did a lot of soul searching…..why do we labor so much? It’s just to provide us with three basic needs which are Food, Shelter and Cloths….. these needs don’t come cheap that’s why it looks like we work too hard for too little…….then most people live above their income based on what they spend on these three needs, a colleague of mine has a belief that he should not pay more than his monthly salary for one year rent and it’s working for him…….hence the need for us all to apply wisdom in whatever we do.

For us to live a relatively good life in Nigeria costs a lot of money, gone are the days where one parent (the wife sits at home to raise the kids) while the other takes on a full time job to meet the needs of the family, in the times we live in; both parents have to pull their resources together to be able to make ends meet, each person has his/her own responsibility mapped out for them as that is the only way all the needs will be met without frustrations.

Don’t get me wrong; a lot of people can still afford to have just one parent doing all the labor, but for the average Nigerian which is over 85% of Nigerians, both parties have the responsibility to contribute to the wellbeing of the family.

It’s beginning to really dawn on me that Marriage is not all about loving each other, having loads of fun, sex and kids…….there’s much more than we think. That is why I am sooooo thankful that we had the pre-marital classes where all these things were taught. Then we didn’t really see the need why the Pastor was teaching us about the following:

·         Balancing our finances.

·         Making a 5 to 10 years goal/plan and stating how we will attain them.

·         How many kids do we want to have as against how many we can afford.

·         Vacation plans: this must be done in advance.

·         Joint account for major projects like home ownership.

·         Who should be responsible for what and why….

·         And so much more.

Indeed we were too in love to have thought out all those by ourselves and this is why I strongly recommend pre-marital counseling before you walk into that marriage, if not you are going to run out in a hurry, marriage takes maturity and this does not necessarily come with age, you may be 40 years and be very immature in your actions.

A lot of challenges comes when two now becomes one, there are so much decisions to be taken as one and no longer as two because the bible says “and two shall become one” it’s not about you anymore, you owe someone else an explanation and you must both be accountable to one another, agree on everything before it Is executed, communicate constantly, communication is the key to every successful union; in fact you can never over emphasize the usefulness and importance of communication.

During our pre-marital class and discovery of all that marriage comprises of, there were lots of arguments and adjustments cos we both as individuals had a vision/goal/plan of what we wanted out of marriage but had no idea how each person’s understanding and interpretation of their goals impacts on the relationship……..so it was a learning process for us and our counselor was very patient and gentle with us, as he helped us come to a complete conclusion that we were happy with…..he confided in us that a lot of couples did not make it pass that stage of counseling as they were not ready to become one entity together by letting go or partnering in the same goal for the purpose of building a family; each person was still holding onto their individuality.

Marriage is beautiful, it is peaceful, it is wonderful and much more……but it takes a lot of work, patience, communication, trust, confidence and self esteem. You cannot have a good marriage if you don’t understand who you are and what your purpose here is; that is where confidence and self esteem comes into play.

Phew, enough for one day, we will continue this topic.......please feel free to add your comments.

Hilarious.........

This truly cracked me up, please enjoy.

http://naijapose.com/nigerian-celebrities-and-the-animated-characters-they-look-like/

Enjoy your weekend peeps..........

LOSE THE I DON’T CARE ATTITUDE………NOW

Hey Peeps,

I love this topic and i have a feeling it will be a three part series as there is so much to talk about regarding the matter.

This happens to a lot of us mostly the female gender, when you stop giving thought, time and effort to your appearance once you snag a guy, your thinking will be like why do I have to bother after all I am married so there’s no point been on point.

A lot of people have fallen victim to the pains this mindset can cause and come to think of it what were you expecting to happen? When you were single, you went all out to look your best, paid attention to your hair, nails and dressing now you think because you have gotten what you want you should just sit still and enjoy it without making an effort to keep it together???

I do not understand why we change once we walk down the aisle, it annoys me to see beautiful ladies that looked like Cinderella in their wedding dresses to turn into the ugly step sister all in the name of marriage, When the person you are married to met you, he /she saw something that attracted them to you; you need to find out what that attraction is and make a conscious effort to maintain and constantly improve on it even after the kids come and age sets in. the fact that you are married is not an automatic license for you to gain weight, become a couch potato or lose focus entirely in the beauty and health department (my dear that is when the real work begins).

As a single lady I loved my bum shorts, short dresses and high heel shoes that’s one of the eye catching things my husband noticed about me and he encouraged me in them even while I was pregnant I still rocked them very well. What annoys me mostly is when we as women start having kids, we now lose sight of caring for ourselves and concentrate fully on the baby and this happens without you knowing it, it just creeps in and all of a sudden you now look like Ugly Betty. 

I was almost sucked into that percentage of women but thank God for my husband and other strong women around me. I learned that when you are at this stage of your life the only people that can help you if you are willing to be helped are those people closest to you; note that most of them may not want to advise you because of the fear of how you will respond to criticism.

I love my job, the environment and the women (mothers with kids and still look on point at all times) I interact with on a daily basis, it’s a matter of shape up or you shape out……..you see women that have been married for 10 years with kids and they look as hot as a model and you that just had your first child will have to do what it takes to get back in shape because you have role models to look up to and the beauty of it is that they encourage and give you tips.

My advice to you is surrounding yourself with great minds, beautiful women that have achieved more than what you have and learn from them, it makes your journey easier as you are a product of your environment. 

Be wise, stay focused, in shape and healthy.