HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT....

Hello Peeps,

Recently I started thinking and meditating upon this journey called marriage……I came to realize that age doesn’t really prepare you for this huge journey neither does other people’s experiences lead you along the right path because what works for A may not work for B, so the idea is to find out the best formula for you and stick to it.

Growing up I was privileged to see a lot of good marriages and the work that went into building them, most importantly it takes the grace of God to make anything in life work and marriage itself need greater grace (if there’s anything like that).

I haven’t been married long enough to have all the answers or formulas, it’s still work in progress for me as I learn everyday as each day comes with its own challenge. I have always desired a peaceful, quiet, God friendly atmosphere and growing up I made a vow that no matter what I find in marriage as long as there’s no violence, verbal abuse, cheating or any of those very negative vibes, I will stick to it and make it work.

Two very different people raised in different backgrounds with very different values and beliefs, even if you both believe in and have the fear of God; you come together in marriage to live under one roof with different temperaments, ideologies, and way of doing things, there’s bound to be friction no matter how much you love each other because each of you have your own very strong opinion on how things should be done, for instance I was raised to be very independent, work for and spend my own money, I am what you will call a strong woman (or a feminist, because I believe strongly that a woman can achieve what she wants if she works hard for it) add that to the fact that I got married in my 30’s when I was already set in my ways, I pay for my vacation  at least once a year, I bought my car with my own money and generally live an independent life; needless to say it was very difficult for me to adjust into allowing a man do for me certain things I was used to doing for myself.

I had my own rules and things should be done at a certain time in a certain way which is my way, but marriage has opened my eyes to see that it is no longer about me, myself and I, there are other parties involved that their opinions equally count and more so there’s this thing called Ego in the male gender (that makes them act more superior to the female gender) you have to be extra sensitive so as not to bruise that ego. 

It took a lot of getting used to and I won’t say I am there yet but it is definitely work in progress. Thank God for the grace of God and patience, we all need patience to be able to understand each other, my candid advice is be more patient, be as open as possible, don’t keep secrets from each other, give each other the benefit of doubt, don’t be too quick to judge, be supportive of each other’s dreams and ambitions, complement each other, understand each other’s mood at every point, be quick to apologize even when you are not at fault.

Its quite a challenge but like I said earlier if you are patient everything good will happen for you, so my dears, lets try and make our marriage work no matter what it takes. 

Cheers guys  and feel free to leave comments and contributions on what works for you and what you have learned in your journey of marriage.

CARING FOR OUR AGED PARENTS!!

hey peeps,

howz it going? trust you have all been good. we thank God for the gift of life, good health and sound mind. I celebrated my birthday last week and my son turned one two weeks ago......(time to start working on baby no.2....hehehehehe). anyways it was all a great week of celebrations, that will be gist for another day.

Today I want to talk about caring for our parents, because most of us do not have wealthy parents, that still have more than enough to live on, especially if the are now retired....this thot came to me when I over heard a friend of mine complain that anytime the mum calls him its to ask for money.....his comment shoked me to the bones and i sat him down to have a heart to heart.

My parents are both retired, my dad is 76years and my mum is 68years old, my mum was forced into retirement when the Tejuosho market was overtaken by the current builders and my dada retired from coca-cola when I was still in secondary school.......but thank God they built a house and shops together so there was no need to ever raise money for rent. together they both have 6 children and all are actively involved in caring for them now that they nolonger make money....

Someone is responsible for their medicals, another for feeding, another for monthly allowances, another for dstv and gas bills, another for general upkeep, then another is mandated to check-in on them at least once in 2 weeks. I believe it was because of the way we were raised, we didnt have much growing up but we always stick together no matter what.

After my discussion with my friend he said why would they do that; that his dad wasn't responsible for his education (cos he never had money to pay for it) that he got to where he is now by working his butt off and paying his fees, I reminded him that his parents tried their best to put food on the table and shelter over his head while growing up and most importantly they always prayed for him and that on its own is enough sacrifice because they gave him all they had....it was difficult to convince him though but i pray he takes my advice and do the needful.

I also want to reach out to all the people like me that didnt have much growing up and have made something out of nothing, its time for you to reach out to your parents and care for them, be the example you want your kids to see cos someday soon you will be in their shoes and expect your kids to do care for you. stop seeing your aged parents as burdens that you have to bare, but rather see them as an extension of you that need care and attention.

Another friend of mine was frustrated to the point of looking to put her mum in an old people's home.....i was in shock when she asked if i knew any in Lagos.....I asked why in God's green earth would you want to put your mum in an old peoples home in Nigeria; that will be sending her to an early grave......and she goes..... you dont know my mum she is so difficult that no one can stand her.....and i responded that the cause of her attitude is age,  you know the older they get, the more paranoid they become; cos i remembered sometime my mum was acting all weird and we all were complaining at a point and later understood what the issue was, and now we are all used to it.......she said they have tried all they could, gotten a nurse, and elderly help e.t.c but she frustrates them all into leaving.......I told her what my mum usually says "I dont want your money all I want is your love, attention and relationship". I dont know what she finally decided on cos I felt i was prying into her private life.

So my friends please let us take a cue from my mum's comment and try to build or mend our relationships with our parents, show them love and attention, be patient with them and kind to them because they did all they could afford for you, take for instance how much you love your own child and don't want any harm to come to them........yeah that's the same way they feel about you. Its strange but the fact is i call my mum everyday.......yeah i do, and if i don't she does. Let us change our ways and make life better and easy for them.

Cheers guys and have a fabulous day.