Recently I started
thinking and meditating upon this journey called marriage……I came to realize that
age doesn’t really prepare you for this huge journey neither does other people’s
experiences lead you along the right path because what works for A may not work
for B, so the idea is to find out the best formula for you and stick to it.
Growing up I was privileged
to see a lot of good marriages and the work that went into building them, most
importantly it takes the grace of God to make anything in life work and
marriage itself need greater grace (if there’s anything like that).
I haven’t been married
long enough to have all the answers or formulas, it’s still work in progress
for me as I learn everyday as each day comes with its own challenge. I have
always desired a peaceful, quiet, God friendly atmosphere and growing up I made
a vow that no matter what I find in marriage as long as there’s no violence,
verbal abuse, cheating or any of those very negative vibes, I will stick to it
and make it work.
Two very different people
raised in different backgrounds with very different values and beliefs, even if
you both believe in and have the fear of God; you come together in marriage to live under one roof
with different temperaments, ideologies, and way of doing things, there’s bound
to be friction no matter how much you love each other because each of you have
your own very strong opinion on how things should be done, for instance I was
raised to be very independent, work for and spend my own money, I am what you
will call a strong woman (or a feminist, because I believe strongly that a
woman can achieve what she wants if she works hard for it) add that to the fact
that I got married in my 30’s when I was already set in my ways, I pay for my vacation
at least once a year, I bought my car
with my own money and generally live an independent life; needless to say it was
very difficult for me to adjust into allowing a man do for me certain things I was
used to doing for myself.
I had my own rules and
things should be done at a certain time in a certain way which is my way, but
marriage has opened my eyes to see that it is no longer about me, myself and I,
there are other parties involved that their opinions equally count and more so
there’s this thing called Ego in the male gender (that makes them act more superior
to the female gender) you have to be extra sensitive so as not to bruise that
ego.
It took a lot of
getting used to and I won’t say I am there yet but it is definitely work in
progress. Thank God for the grace of God and patience, we all need patience to
be able to understand each other, my candid advice is be more patient, be as
open as possible, don’t keep secrets from each other, give each other the
benefit of doubt, don’t be too quick to judge, be supportive of each other’s
dreams and ambitions, complement each other, understand each other’s mood at
every point, be quick to apologize even when you are not at fault.
Its quite a challenge but like I said earlier if you are patient everything good will happen for you,
so my dears, lets try and make our marriage work no matter what it takes.
Cheers guys and feel free to leave comments and contributions on what works for you and what you have learned in your journey of marriage.
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