Recently I started thinking and meditating upon this journey called marriage……I came to realize that age doesn’t really prepare you for this huge journey neither does other people’s experiences lead you along the right path because what works for A may not work for B, so the idea is to find out the best formula for you and stick to it.
Growing up I was privileged to see a lot of good marriages and the work that went into building them, most importantly it takes the grace of God to make anything in life work and marriage itself need greater grace (if there’s anything like that).
I haven’t been married long enough to have all the answers or formulas, it’s still work in progress for me as I learn everyday as each day comes with its own challenge. I have always desired a peaceful, quiet, God friendly atmosphere and growing up I made a vow that no matter what I find in marriage as long as there’s no violence, verbal abuse, cheating or any of those very negative vibes, I will stick to it and make it work.
Two very different people raised in different backgrounds with very different values and beliefs, even if you both believe in and have the fear of God; you come together in marriage to live under one roof with different temperaments, ideologies, and way of doing things, there’s bound to be friction no matter how much you love each other because each of you have your own very strong opinion on how things should be done, for instance I was raised to be very independent, work for and spend my own money, I am what you will call a strong woman (or a feminist, because I believe strongly that a woman can achieve what she wants if she works hard for it) add that to the fact that I got married in my 30’s when I was already set in my ways, I pay for my vacation at least once a year, I bought my car with my own money and generally live an independent life; needless to say it was very difficult for me to adjust into allowing a man do for me certain things I was used to doing for myself.
I had my own rules and things should be done at a certain time in a certain way which is my way, but marriage has opened my eyes to see that it is no longer about me, myself and I, there are other parties involved that their opinions equally count and more so there’s this thing called Ego in the male gender (that makes them act more superior to the female gender) you have to be extra sensitive so as not to bruise that ego.
It took a lot of getting used to and I won’t say I am there yet but it is definitely work in progress. Thank God for the grace of God and patience, we all need patience to be able to understand each other, my candid advice is be more patient, be as open as possible, don’t keep secrets from each other, give each other the benefit of doubt, don’t be too quick to judge, be supportive of each other’s dreams and ambitions, complement each other, understand each other’s mood at every point, be quick to apologize even when you are not at fault.
Its quite a challenge but like I said earlier if you are patient everything good will happen for you, so my dears, lets try and make our marriage work no matter what it takes.
Cheers guys and feel free to leave comments and contributions on what works for you and what you have learned in your journey of marriage.