Sunday, 4 March 2012

HOW DIFFICULT IS IT; REALLY??? (Written Jan 2010)

Seriously for some time now I have been trying to understand all the hassles that one have to go through in choosing a life partner, how complicated can it really get? You may ask, is it not just to pick out one man/woman depending on your gender out of over a million people you must have met in your life to become partners in marriage? Recently I have come to realize that it goes beyond that and it becomes harder as you grow older in age and experience. Then again you may wonder, is it just me or does it happen to everyone. Why do I have to struggle to come into Gods promise for my life? Did the bible not say “he that finds a good wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from God? “  so why must my own case be different because I know I am definitely a good thing  or  I’m I paying for something I have done wrong in the past? So many questions go through your mind and you even ask yourself if you are good enough for God to give you any of His sons/daughters, you keep living in constant fear and anticipation of what it will actually be like to finally find the right person. Hence the question, ‘is there really the right person?” you may be waiting for the right person to swing by meanwhile a lot of great people have been coming your ways and you refuse to give them the time of day because you are “looking for the right person”. But hey it’s time to smell the coffee, change your mindset and do keep an open mind for the next person that may come by.

I will use myself as a typical example, I have been trying to get myself married for the past six years but I have not been able to accomplish that due to the fact that I have been trying to do it on my own without the God factor, also I have been waiting for the perfect person mean while a lot of people have come and gone but I see one reason or the other why not to pursue a relationship with them, according to my friend God will not come down from heaven to point out your spouse to you. I have read all kinds of books there is to read about finding a partner, how to choose a partner e.t.c. I have also followed all the examples given in these books, I have learned how to cook all sorts of dishes both African and Continental that I now give lessons to my friends that is about to marry or already married, I have learned how to be a home maker in fact I am a wife in the waiting or as my very good friend will say “Material” and you can also call me a marriage counselor because of the knowledge I have gained from reading all these books on marriage but since late last year I decided to give it all to God and let him sort me out, and things really started happening differently. From November 2009 till date I have had two suitors though I am yet to find the right one (you see I’m still looking out for the right one) but it makes me know and understand that I am in a whole new level now, like pastor Kola Oladumoye preached  some time that a woman should have options A, B and C, so I’ve had A & B so C is going to be a done deal (I hope so) but don’t count on it because your option A or B may just be the one. Also do not rule out the fact that as a single lady the older you get the greater the pressure as menopause is fast approaching so we see a potential husband in every innocent guy that just as much as says hello to you, then temptation sets in thereby leading to frustration and depression.

It is really hard to make the right decision after you have waited for so long, you may want to jump into marriage with any man/woman that happens along the way just because you have been praying about it so you think God has finally sent you someone even if the person lacks the fruits of a husband (he’s probably a mummy’s boy that still needs breast feeding), does and acts contrary to your beliefs, you still jump into it because you want to get married, you come to the conclusion that this is the person that God has sent your way and it must be the right person, forgetting the power that He gave to us “he who finds, finds a good thing” so you have the power to really search to find and when you find you have to sift because trust me you are going to find all sorts and you will have to live with whoever you finally choose so be wise and sift wisely not emotionally or with the age clock ticking away in your head.

We can say that finding is quite easy but sifting to know who is really meant for you is where the real problem is, understand this, I’m sure you have a list of all the qualities you want in a partner, if you are like me the list is very long more than twenty in number, and for the past years I have been working with that list, I eventually came to the understanding that I am looking to marry a mortal being, not a human being. Thank God for good friends in my life, I was discussing it with a friend who asked me what the real issue is, why I’m still single at this age even though  I’m a very good person with all these positive qualities, so I told her my criteria ( list of 20 qualities) for judging people, she looked at me long and hard and said I don’t need all that, what I truly need to do is make a list of the things that I cannot compromise for anything, explaining how it is not possible to find that twenty characters in one person except I am looking to get married to God or a supreme being, that for me is wisdom and an eye opener so I applied it to my own situation by making a new list and found out that out of twenty, I only have five major things that cant be compromised, my number one is “the person must be totally sold out to God” remember the bible says we should not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. This new list actually gave me hope that all things are possible because now I have seen option A and B, but they are not what I am looking. You may want to know what I meant by “they are not what I am looking for” its easy because I know what I want out of life, I know where I see myself in the next five years and I know the kind of family I want to raise, so I must find someone that fits into that picture then we can work on other things together no compromise at all.

Looking back now I can say that it is not really difficult but we have complicated issues for ourselves by setting some standards that can’t be met by human, we need to get our priorities in order, cos that will make the search a lot easier than it looks.

So ladies and gents please take a hint and narrow your search down to the barest minimum, you will be doing yourself a lot of good if you do. But if you don’t agree with my view, you are welcome to share your own opinion on this matter.

cheers and do have a fab day........

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